Thursday, May 12, 2011

Aku sekadar watak pincisan..

Imagine a situation. You're happily facebooking when suddenly a girl open up a chat.You are wondering who the heck is she. Then you remember she send you a friend request few days ago and without even checking who she is you accept her friend request. Then, she said something like this "U couple ngan I jom :)" What do you think I'll will answer if I'm ever been involve in such situation?

A) Hmm.. Boleh gak, I pun single skrang ni ;)
B) Give me some time first boleh?
C) X nak, sorry..
C) Bitch...

Want to know what the answer is? The answer is...

None of the above unfortunately

Because you want know what happen? I open up her profile and she is not wearing any hijab. Well I can accept that, to a certain degree as long as she is willing to change, but there is a few pics of her which I suspect is taken at a night club. She is wearing a miniskirt and everything. Can't deny that it shook my faith a little bit. There are also some pics that show her sporting a few bikinis. To top things up I found out that she is older then me -_-" She must around 22 or 23 something. What am I even suppose to do -_-" I just politely refuse her by saying I'm not ready and everything.  Okay.. I'm lying. I'm still hoping for someone at that time. Someone who now I know will never be mine.. 

God know it. I know I'm going to crack up and start talking about all matter about heart sooner or latter. I'm been bracing myself for this.

Do you ever feel like you are nothing but some minor character in some romance novel? That's exactly how I feel right now... It's not really brokenhearted. I guess because all this time loving her I already know she is not giving the fullest in our relationship. You can say she is holding back. Like there is still somebody in her heart in a special very special place. The place which I know I can't never reach.

So what I do is I accept her decision to end our relationship. But god know how much have I fight to keep that relationship. Even when it already end I still hold some feeling and hope for her. Hoping that there is still a future for both of us.

I was wrong of course. As always.. All I can do is.. all I can do is..

huh... aku sudah tidak mampu lagi untuk menulis didalam bahasa Inggeris. Sewaktu post ini ditulis aku sudah melupakan egoku sebagai seorang lelaki dan menulis dalam keadaan beremuk rendam dengan air mata. Mengenangkan kasih yang kini daku tau tidak mungkin akan kesampaian.


Nurul Hidayu Binti Shafie siapakah kamu sebenarnya? Seorang bidadari dari syurgakah? Dengan sayap putih mu kau terbang dengan pantas sekali menyambar hati ku... Kemudian kau pulangkan kembali hati itu kepada ku setelah ianya hancur lebur menjadi abu. Meninggalkan kan ku sendiri yang hanya mampu cuba mengutip kembali segala serpihan yang ada dan menangis cuba mencantumnya kembali...

Benar ku sudah pun menduga akan terjadi perkara sebegini diantara kita. Namun kadang-kadang kau membuatkan aku tertanya adakah pernah wujud pun istilah "kita" itu didalam hubungan yang sementara ini. Kini segalanya sudah terang lagi bersuluh. Ibarat mendapat mendapat alamat dari syurga aku telah mengatahui apa yang sebenarnya telah berlaku. Akan sejarah dirimu yang selama ini tidak pernah pun tercapai pada pengetauan ku..

Jika didalam sebuah novel cinta engkau lah watak utama yang menjadi idaman setiap lelaki. Dan lelaki itulah menjadi lelaki yang berjaya menambat dan meninggalkan kesan yang sungguh dalam dihatimu. Dan aku.. aku hanya sekadar watak pincisan didalam novel hidup kita ini ayu.. Aku lah lelaki yang pernah berharap dan cuba menggapai hatimu tetapi gagal. Seperti penghujung sebuah novel cinta melayu pasti ada penamat gembiranya. Tetapi sayang penamat itu bukanlah antara kau dan aku. Cinta si dia terhadap dirimu yang bertahun-tahun lamanya... manakan boleh disamakan cinta hati kecilku yang hanya mengenali mu tidak lebih12 purnama ini.. Namun.. seperti watak pincisan novel cinta yang lain aku juga mendoakan kebahagian kamu.. mendoakan dalam luka..

 Namun sekelumit perasaan dihatiku gembira.. Gembira gadis yang aku cintai buat sepenuh hati buat kali pertama kini berjaya mencapai bahagia.. Biarpun tanpa diriku

 Dan akhir kata seorang watak pincisan novel cinta ini..
aku doakan kebahagian kamu berdua dengan seikhlas hati..
  Janganlah kamu risau dengan aku yang disini
Insyaallah dengan izin tuhan akan ku kutip dan ku bina kembali serpihan-serpihan hidup aku ni..
Mencari penamat bahagia didalam novel hidupku sendiri..

Dengan Izin Tuhan..


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