Ramadhan..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Segala yang berlaku adalah ketentuannya..

Kita hanya mampu berusaha.

Tapi dia juga yang menentukan nya.. :)

And rejoice! Ramadhan is around the corner :D

The big question is are you prepare??

Yes I am single (Part 4: Eat.. Pray.. and maybe love )

So I decided to move on.. A good friends of mine (which also one of her best friend really) said to me if I keep hating I will just keep missing her more and more. So I did what I have to do, I learn to let my heart forgive her and let her go so she could be happy. If I truly love her I should be able to do that at least. She have the right to be happy. It doesn't meant that I can't be friends with her at least. Hey.. if you are reading this by the way, you really are one of most amazing girl I ever know :) Kalau beautiful tu tak payah cakap la kan :) Any man would be lucky to have you as his life partner haha..Wish I could be that guy really, but I had my chance and I blew it. Semoga awak akan jumpa lelaki yang baik dan tak teragak-agak nak cakap kat awak yang dia sayang kat awak ;) dan semoga lelaki tu adalah lelaki yang mempunyai pegangan agama yang kukuh, Pendek cite I just wish you the best in your life dear, your truly are one of the woman that make an impact to me and make me want to change for the better :) Only Allah could ever repay you..

The most important thing is however I finally could forgive my self for hurting her ( I am not the only one that is hurt you know.. She suffers a lot as well) But I still got a lot to redeem with Allah s.wt. So now I am trying hard to live my life in the way that is approved by him..

  

Aku cuba rajin-rajinkan diri aku ke masjid balik. Aku cuba bukak dan kaji balik intipati ayat-ayat Al-quran. Aku cuba sertai ceramah dan aktiviti-aktiviti dakwah yang surau kampung aku anjurkan. Waktu tu la aku sedar yang Islam tu teramat lah luas.. Pengatahuan yang aku ader ni tak sampai sekelumit pun. Banyak lagi yang kena aku dalami jika betul aku nak jd pemimpin untuk isteri aku sendiri suatu hari nanti...

Pada waktu yang sama aku gak dah mula merantau kat negeri-negeri kat malaysia ni. Alhamdulilah skrang dah cukup pun semua negeri kat semenanjung aku tour sejak cuti 6 bulan ni :) Sempat la aku nak merasa makanan dan tempat istimewa kat negeri-negeri tu

Er..

Korang perasan tak yang post aku ni dah macam storyline film Eat, Pray, Love tu?

So lets see..

bab eat tu kita dah settle..

bab pray tu insyaallah dah alhamdulilah :D

bab love tu pulak?

Yeah.. what about love?

You guys know what.. I really am ready to move on now :)

So maybe I am willing to have a shot at love again..

er... anybody interested tak? haha.. chill, kita wat lawak je tu

I'm still young.. that girl is still out there somewhere

I am not in a rush or anything..

Kalau dah takdir yang satu hari nanti yang aku akan kawen dan ade anak tu semua ketentuan tuhan kan?

Right now it is best if I just prepared my self until the day that I meet her..

in term of doing well in my studies..

getting a good job and strengthening my economy..

learning more about islamic teachings..

And tons of more stuff I guess..

 

But one thing for sure.. I have move on.. And I see a bright light at the end of this dark tunnel.. Alhamdulilah :)

PS: maaf kan aku jika korang bosan atau apa pasal post yang bersiri yang ni. Aku perlu luahkan semua ni sebab aku betul nak teruskan perjuangan hidup aku. Dan antara sebab lain ialah bulan ramadhan dah dekat. Aku nak habiskan bulan ni dengan cuba mendalami agama aku.. Tapi tak mungkin aku boleh semua tu jika perkara ni masih terbuku di hati aku.. Insyaallah.. semua benda ini adalah ketentuannya :) Doa aku dalam doa korang yer, yang pasti aku tak pernah lupakan sahabat-sahabat aku dalam doa aku. Semoga kita semua boleh mendapat kejayaan di dunia dan di akhirat..

Click here to read

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Yes I am single (Part 3: Here Lay A Broken Man )

So there I was.. suffering from the worst break up in my life. So time tu semua orang happy je sebab finally dapat balik rumah untuk cuti panjang. Cuma aku je kot yang balik dengan perasaan bercampur aduk macam tah pa per. For the first few months I am all hollow inside. Barely even crack a smile on my face. I am nothing but an empty shell at that time. Jasad je yang ada kat muka bumi tapi roh dah entah ke mana. The break up give me such a hard blow. I know that our relationship only last for half a year. But I dedicate my self and my heart solely for her during that short six months.. So you can actually imagine the sorrow that I am in.

Waktu tu jugak la aku mula pegang gitar balik. Berpuluh-puluh lagu baik kot english atau kot melayu aku tulis. Refer this post if you want to read about it anyway. Kadang betul apa yang orang kata.. only under a great depression do a great music is produce. No wonder la musician banyak dok telan dadah untuk khayal segala benda. Well guess what, I don't need no drugs at that time. I am depressed enough by my self.

So aku kerja sekejap buat sementara waktu time tu. Aku rasa aku kena sibukan diri aku untuk get over break up ni. Tapi susah dan seksanya tuhan je yang tahu. Pernah tak korang rasa korang sayang giler-giler kat seseorang tapi pada masa yang sama kebencian korang pada orang tu juga agak tinggi? Macam tu la apa yang aku rasa pada waktu tu. I was totally torn apart at that time...

Pada waktu jugak actually a few girls try to approach me. Aku dapat rasa niat ikhlas dia orang. Dan aku tau yang dia ni semua perempuan yang baik. Kadang-kadang aku terfikir juga patutkah aku terima je salah sorang dari dia orang untuk bantu aku lupakan dia tu? Tapi aku tepis dan tolak jauh-jauh idea tu. Derita aku bukan lah untuk dia orang tanggung.. Biarkan aku sendiri hadapi masalah ni. Tidak adil bagi dia orang kalau aku terima dia orang sedang dalam kepala aku masih ada bayangan dia. Kalau aku buat macam tu apa bezanya apa yang dia buat kat aku dulu.. Tidak mungkin aku akan buat benda seperti tu. Mereka semua layak untuk mendapat lelaki yang baik. Jadi aku tolak mereka dengan baik... Insyaallah kalau ada jodoh aku dengan salah sorang dari mereka tak kan kemana gak.

Tapi semua perempuan yang lafazkan yang mereka sayang kat aku selepas break up tu telah bantu aku sedikit sebanyak.. I finally realize that I need to pick up my self back. I need to recover again. I need to become a man again. I need to pick up my shattered heart again.. I need to find Allah s.w.t to guide me back..

(to be continue)

Click here to read
Part 4
Part2
Part 1

Yes I am single (Part 2: The downfall )

Yes aku rasa memang aku dah macam apa dah time tu -.-" Hate to say this but love turn me into a complete suckers at that time. Aku rasa kalau dia suruh aku pergi terjun tingkat 13 semata-mata nak test betul ke tak aku sayang pun aku boleh buat COMPLETE ngan hati yang bunga-bunga lagi tuh.

Tapi sadly speaking aku rasa hanya berapa kerat je kan first love yang betul-betul berjaya dalam hidup ni. Dan unfortunately first love aku bukan masuk dalam golongan berapa kerat tu. It was all good for sometimes. Kadang-kadang aku rasa hidup aku waktu dia still ada tu macam mimpi je. 

Lama kelamaan dia mula sibuk ngan segala aktiviti society. Dok pelan event ni dan dok meeting hari-hari. Waktu tu kita orang jadi renggang jap. Aku bukanya terlibat ngan segala aktiviti society ni so peluang aku dapat jumpa dia makin lama jadi makin jarang. Tapi aku tak nak la memaksa sangat time tu. Aku sedar aku ni saper dan aku sedar tanggungjawab dia yang dia pikul sebagai pemimpin. So I try hard to be more understanding dah jarangkan contact dia skit supaya dia boleh buat kerja. Aku hanya mampu bagi support dan kata-kata semangat agar dia boleh buat kerja ngan elok time tu. Dan maybe je la aku ader nasihat skit dua tiga orang budak yang dok planning nak buat kacau kat event tu. Dan aku tau sangat ada budak tesl laki yang mengada-ngada cuba approach dia waktu kita orang renggang skit tu. Tuhan je la yang boleh tentukan apa yang salah. Aku dah tak larat dah nak cari musuh semata-mata seorang perempuan. Waktu tu jugak sebenarnya aku nak test betul ke kalau aku jarang-jarang contact dia everything still going to be alright. That we can still be like our old time. 

But my fear turn out to be true. You know.. first love is always the hardest. It is true for me.. and it is true for her too. Unfortunately I am not her first love. Aku dah pernah dengar pasal ex dia still dok text dia kadang-kadang. Sebagai sebagai seorang lelaki lelaki mana la yang senang ngan benda-benda macam tu. Even though aku dah mintak dan merayu kat dia agar stop kan terus sms tuh dia kata kat aku yang dia cuma texting benda-benda berkaitan agama dan akedemik je. So I tried to think that it's alright and that nothing is wrong. Tapi for some reason I got a funny feeling about it. So she said she would stop if it upset me so much.

You know what.. I am not that stupid, I can sense at that time that she still savor some feeling for that guy. But.. Allah also know that I am also dearly in love with her. And I would not give up without a fight. But that guy manage to do what I fail to do. To fill the emptiness in her heart when she need it the most. Sometimes I wonder if she totally forgot about all those memories that we have created together. That how she forgot that I still do madly in love with her and suffering the guilt of our mistakes. That how could she forgot our promises that we will be together to the very end.

Allah is almighty.. I don't know what his plan for us really. But slowly the distance between us grow. We fight over something that is so simple sometimes. Her friends are not really a big help at that time too. All those fights.. It is tearing my heart to pieces. Finally I can't take it anymore. I confront her once and for all. I just had to know what really happen between us. How I wish that I actually have the chances to say sorry for my mistakes at that time. But that chance never really come. She said to me that she had have enough. So finally.. on our last day at UiTM Alor Gajah.. our relationship is over..

(to be continue..) 

Click Here To Read
Part 3

Part 1

Yes I am single (Part 1)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Had a long talk with one of my friend regarding this single stuff. I guess I keep it to my self long enough. Maybe it is time to cut lose and let it all out...

 So seorang sahabat aku tanya soalan yang bunyi dia lebih kurang macam ni "Ben ko ni single ke skrang? Sebab gaya ko dah tak macam ko ader makwe dah, ko sekarang macam dah berubah aku tengok".

Sebenarnyakan aku pun tak faham sepatah haram bila ko maksud gaya ader dan takder makwe tuh, cer explain skit blh? :P 

Well.. I been keeping this to myself for quite a long time I guess, for nearly half a year exactly. Yes guys.. I am now single. Sorry for not telling anybody about this. I just need a little privacy for a little while (even though that "a little while" turn out to be nearly half a year)

Why so long do you ask? Well this is a bit embarrassing but to be frank even though I have another four.. is it really four? or was it five or a six? Nevermind.. Even though I already have a FEW relationship before her she is the first girl that I ever really fallen in love with (which kind of make all my previous relationship seems meaningless to me now). I meant falling in love for as in for real, not those amature high schoolish type of relationship fantasy.

If you want to know what kind of love it is.. it's the type that

1) making me make a fool of my self in front of her friends even though I never really meant it for it to came out that way. I guess I upset some of her friends in the process. Sorry about that, I never really meant to disturb your friendship or some sort. You guys are also my friends what -.-" The fact is when you are standing next to a girl that you consider a living angle on earth.. It is kind of hard to pull yourself together. It make you do some silly things sometimes. OK sue me! It is not sometimes, it is a heck of lot of times -.-"

2) making me become all stuck up serious for no apparent reasons. Bagi orang yang betul-betul kenal aku rasanya korang tau kan yang sebenarnya aku ni teramat-amatlah sengal -.-" Percaya la aku ni teramat-amat lah sengal. Tapi entah lah, apa kes tah bila kat depan dia dulu aku tiba-tiba jadi serious freak. Naik menyampah gak ngan diri aku sendiri kadang-kadang time tu. Maybe I just tried to act matured in front of her at that time. It drive me really uncomfortable actually (maybe it also drive her uncomfortable too) but then again people say that you do crazy things for love. I guess this is one of it. I just want she to look at me as a matured man. Not as a man that is helplessly in love with her.. biar pun tu yang sebenarnya -.-"

3) Making me become waaaaaaaaaaay to cheesy (banyak lak ayat start ngan making me nih, tapi lantak pi lah) er.. for some odd reason I try to hard to become a romantic person for her. Dalam sejarah relationships lain aku yang punya la panjang aku tak pernah-pernah aku jadi romantic nak mampos macam tu skali. Aku pun kadang-kadang rasa macam aku ni dah sakit jiwa ke apa bila dok buat pas satu-satu benda yang kononnya romantic tu. Aku rasa budak kelas aku ingat lagi kot pasal delivery bunga rose tuh -.-" Dari mana tah aku dapat idea nak hantar bunga time kelas tuh. Dia pun naik menyampah jap ngan aku time tuh. Nasib baik budak perempuan lain pakat dok puji kata benda tu romantic. So dia tak jadi marah mana sangat. Tapi seriouly aku cuak tok sah nak cakap la time tu -.-" kalau dia marah habis la plan aku nak buat dia happy ngan jadi romantic tuh. I guess that is the point really. I just want to make her happy. Because being romantic seems to be able to put a smile on her cute face. That is why I tried so hard at that time. Tapi memang aku sendiri akui macam dah terlebih cheesy dah aku time tu -.-" Time tu ramai gak member aku dok complain sebenar pasal pilihan aku sebenarnya. Dalam banyak awek-awek TESL time tuh kenapa la aku pergi pilih yang garang emo macam tuh. Bising la pulak korang ni yer, dah aku sayang kat dia time tu so ikut aku la. Garang-garang dia pun dia garang comel ape (erk.. ok off topic dah ni)

4) Making me become overwhelmingly jealous. Haish.. bab ni kadang-kadang aku regrets skit. Tak tau la apa yang tak kena ngan aku time tu. Skit-skit nak jealous, skit nak jealous, dia dah la ader jawatan segala benda. Nak kena jumpa ramai laki untuk settle kerja segala benda. Kadang-kadang aku rasa seriously aku macam dah konkong dia time tu. Sesal tu of course la.. You know what, aku nak je bagi alasan aku jealous sebab sayang. Tapi sekarang ni bila aku betul-betul dah matured segala benda aku pun rasa alasan tu dah lapuk dan basi. Ye lah, kalau kita sayang sebanyak mana pun tak kan la jealous sampai macam tu skali ye tak. Bab kata orang tua-tua gak, kalau sayang lepas-lepaskan lah... betul tak peribahasa aku nih? aku main tibai je haha.. maklumlah, dah lama aku tak sentuh benda macam sastera ngan puisi sajak ni (padahal dulu mat jiwang sangat dok karang segala benda alah tu).So kenapa aku jadi macam tu sekali? I tell you why.. it is because she is my first love. So obviously aku tak tau macam mana nak control perasaan jelous ni time tuh. Sekarang bila aku dah matang aku tau la macam mana, tapi kita cakap pasal dulu kan skrang ni, kadang-kadang aku tak tau la kenapa macam ada doubt je dalam diri aku time tu. Macam selalu boleh musykil kat dia. Padahal tak der apa-apa pun kan.

5) Making me want to be close to her.. every single days.. Haish.. bila aku ingat balik banyak gila date aku ngan dia time tuh. Aku rasa geng-geng couple tesl yang lain pun tak der la pulak date sampai banyak macam tu skali. Well maybe benda tu tak boleh elak, sebab kita orang sekelas segala benda. Sampai kadang-kadang aku rasa macam kalau tak tengok muka dia sehari macam tak sah je. Aku rasa dia pun fed up dok date dan jalan sekali je memanjang. Member-menber dia aku rasa tok sah cakap la kot. Again maybe because she is my first love. You know.. you can never have enough of the first person that your ever fall in love with. Because your heart have just learn what is love truly is and how sweet it is... making you yearn to be with her every single moment of the day.. Tapi parah la kan kalau nak dok berkepit je memanjang macam tu -.-" Haha.. I cannot help it I guess, but now I guess I have know better.

 

6) Making me texting her nearly every night. Sebenarnyakan aku pun tak suka dok texting je tiap-tiap malam ni. Tapi again.. I blame it on the first love. So tiap-tiap malam la aku dok text tu, sampai kadang dia atau aku yang terlena sampai waktu texting tu. Haha.. it is a pretty sweet memories really, tapi sebenarnya aku rasa dia pun fed up dok texting je memanjang. Maybe lebih baik kalau aku dok text dalam dua tiga hari sekali je. Yela dok cakap benda sama je pun, hari-hari dok cakap rindu je, but that is actually true.. I do miss her nearly everyday (Biarpun baru je jumpa kat kelas waktu siang tuh)You know when you shared your thought and feeling with each other through a medium such as text.. the happiness is beyond compare really ( yela kan, kalau nak cakap benda-benda macam tu kat depan-depan tak dernya) Tapikan bila aku ingat balik aku pernah je cuba gap kan skit waktu text tu. Tapi lepas tu dia pulak yang text aku tanya aku marah kat dia ke apa tak text kat dia -.-" so sorry la korang, aku pun tak faham apa yang perempuan nak sebenarnya kadang-kadang nih.

 7) Making me lost control. So things got a little out of control. I wish I can turn back time. Sometimes aku rasa aku macam aku dah totally lost it at that time. It is could be nothing really but sue me.. I still feel like I wronged her in a lot of ways.. I do love her at that time, but subhanallah otak aku cukup messed up. Aku tak tau nak buat apa dah. Sometimes.. I feel like I want scream for her to save me, begging for her to guide me back, pleading to her to make me stop.. Because I do love her dearly and I don't want to make this happen to us. But I dunno if she get the message at that time. Maybe dia pun dah menyampah ngan aku kot. But the regrets keep haunting me. Allah..

(to be continue..)

Click Here To Read
Part 2

The September to comes.. My hopes and worries

A truckload of my friends make a post about their respective result for their universities application.. and not wanting to be left out I just have to post one too ><

Haha.. so you guys want to know which university that accept my application?

Click to enlarge

 To sum it up this is the course that I got

KOD PROGRAM: ET06
NAMA PROGRAM PENGAJIAN : PENDIDIKAN (PENGAJARAN BAHASA INGGERIS SEBAGAI BAHASA KEDUA) (TESL)#
IPTA: UNIVERSITI TEKNOLOGI MARA (UiTM)

So am I happy? You bet! Alhamdulilah.. All my effort is now worth it..But I have my worries too.. Entering a degree program would mark as a huge transition in my live. But at least something is clear to me now. My future will be something related to education. Whether I will become a teacher, a lecturer or a politician is still unclear to me though. Lets just hope and work my hardest and pray to Allah.. that there will be a bright future ahead of me.

Some of my friends ask me why I choose UiTM though. They said there are a lot other universities that are way waaaaaay better than UiTM. To me it doesn't really matter where you study really... What important is you are willing to work your ass off to achieve your desire. You could be studying at a top rated university but if you are not willing to work hard it is just plain useless. Another reason why I choose UiTM is it all in English syllabus. It is one of the most important thing that set UiTM apart from other universities. Since I am taking TESL it would actually be pretty nice to have an English speaking communities around me.

One thing still worry me though. My twin sister Alia (or Hannah as I call her in this blog) manage to get a spot at University Malaysia Terengganu (UMT) in the Economic course. What if we are both require to register at the same date this September? That mean I will have to go and register myself in Shah Alam all by myself.. But I don't really mind though. It would be a good chance to test my courage anyway :)

How do you know if the man in your life have a hidden feminine side?

You know.. there are some feminine side in men. Of course the the amount of it differ among men. But there is always some. It's a side where most men hide of course. Us guys are just way to egoistic to admit that we might actually have some feminine side in our self :P

But there are however a simple test if you want to find out if your husband, fiance, or boyfriend have some feminine side in them.

All you need to do is ask them to check their fingernails!

I know.. I know.. some of you must been wondering what the heck does his fingernails got to do with his feminine side? Well the answer is simple really.

Does your man check his nail like this?

Picture 1

or perhaps like this?

Picture 2

 Finish asking them to check their fingernails?
Now here is the trick!

Picture1
If your man check his fingernails like the one in picture 1 he is downright masculine alright. He will rarely display any kind of weakness towards you. He also will be having a hard time sharing his feeling towards you. He might also be the easily angry type. Getting his attention might be a bit hard. Even if you express your feelings or problems toward him the fat chance are he will be having a hard time understanding them. This is not conclude to all masculine however. There are some that don't do the the stuff that I said above. But the figure is very small though.

Picture 2
If your man check his fingernails like the one in picture 2 however there are SOME part of him that is a bit feminine. This does not meant that your man is sissy or some sort. Perhaps he is a bit gentle inside from time to time. You can express your problem to him and expect him to understand. He will also have no problem doing the same to you. He might also trying way to hard to be romantic towards you. Some to the extend of being way to cheesy =_=" But it does not meant that he does have a masculine side. A man will be a man no matter what.. It just you won't be having much problem when it comes to sharing each other feeling with this kind of man. If I am correct most women would prefer this kind of man. You know.. the kind that is gentle and sweet from time to time.Not always though.

So now that you know the trick you can easily check if your man is more masculine or feminine!
PS: The first time I took this test I found out that I have a bit of feminine side in me =_="

Things That I Hate During Friday Prayer (Warning: Extremely Emotional Post)

These things just keep happening again and again! What does it takes for all these so call Malay Muslim to learn. Seriously! Come On! You call yourself a Muslim yet do you even have any respect for our sacred day?! For our lord even?!

These "few" things has been bothering me for what? I don't know, a lifetime maybe?

Case 1: Phone That rings During Friday Prayer

Try to imagine this, All of the men are deep into their prayer. The imam is gracefully reciting the Al-Quran verse. All of the sudden a phone rings! To make even more worse it is a dangdut song goyang gerudi song by Inul Daratista ringtone! That bloody phone rings so loud that the Imam has to increase his voice to compete with it. Even the other Makmun are having a hard time concentrating to their prayer. When the Friday prayer ended that guy foolishly smile and said "  sorry yer semua, bini yang telefon tadi cakap beras dah habis"

er...

Kalau ikot hati aku nak jer aku bagi flying sebijik kat pak cik tuh! Dah masuk masjid tu silent atau off la phone! Bini dia pun satu hal. Tak kan tak boleh sabar kejap tunggu suami dia habis solat Jumaat dulu.

Kepada kaum perempuan saya nak bagi peringatan skit. 

Pada hari Jumaat dalam lingkungan kira-kira dari 1.00PM-2.30PM adalah waktu kaum lelaki solat Jumaat. Jadi jangan lah call lelaki time tu yer. Tapi kalau korang dah terlanjur call dan lelaki tu boleh jawab gak mesti ader something wrong somewhere. Waktu tu korang tanya soalan cepu mas kat dia macam "Kau ni sembahyang Jumaat ke tak brader?!".

Case 2: The front Saf is being left empty..

Ni satu lagi benda yang aku naik menyampah. Susah benor nak memenohkan saf depannya. Terutamanya kaum-kaum lelaki muda ni. Pakat dok memenuh je kat belakang tu! Padahal dah ber buih mulut Imam tu suruh penuhkan saf depan. Pastu bila habis solat semua kalau toleh belakang mesti ader saf yang lompang mana-mana. Macam mana nak saH solat kalau macam tu!

Come on guys.. I'm sure all of you know that anyone that pray in the front Saf is given a huge reward by lord. Is it so hard to do that?

Case 3: Stealing Money That is Donated To The Mosque!

Ni budak-budak yang mak bapak tak cukup ajar selalu je buat! Selain tu budak-budak najis dadah dan gam pun selalu gak buat bendalah ni. Mr.Ben nak tanya satu soalan ni, korang nak pergi sembahyang ke nak mecuri?! Sebab tu la kalau nak derma aku lebih suka bagi kat Tok Imam terus je duit tu skrang. Aku risau kot-kot duit tu tak sempat sampai kat pihak masjid..

If you come to the mosque with any other attention than to pray to our almighty lord you might as well go to hell! Even I am ashamed to admit you as my fellow Muslim brothers.

Case 4 : Political Talks At The Mosque

I came to the mosque with the attention of saying my prayer. Not to hear all sort of political garbage!

Ni pun dah selalu berlaku skrang ni.. Aku setuju yang politik itu penting, tapi perlukah ia berlaku pada waktu dan di tempat solat? Sedang solat Jumaat itu lah juga satu-satu masanya kita semua boleh bersatu dan meletakkan perbezaan politik kita sejauh mungkin..

That conclude all of it I think. Sincerely speaking? I really hope that all my fellow Muslim brothers open their eyes to this issues.. To my Muslim sister you can read this to increase your knowledge even if the friday prayer is mostly related to men :)