Thursday, April 28, 2011

What the Hell!

Serious topic again. But as Avril Lavigne put it what the hell ;P If it ain't serious it ain't me so deal with it suckers.

Well the truth is even I don't like being a serious dude 24/7. Like some people say 

a serious dude = a boring get a life dude

It just that I found that I have a need to talk and give my point of view about a serious topic from time to time. You must admit too that a serious conversation from time to time sharpen your mind and if it goes well it can be quite fun actually. Yeah,you got me, I just used serious and fun in the same sentence :P

Dude! enough with the introduction already, lets get to business shall we. 

I begin my story with an anecdote. My aunt have three children. The eldest is a boy and the rest are girls. Hmm.. how should I describe them, how about 


That cousins of mine can actually give those Rugrat cartoon characters a run for their money. I just don't know what happen to them really. My aunt and uncle is among the kindest person I ever meet. Guess you have to accept the fact if you are a kind person doesn't mean that you will rise good children. Being a parent must have a certain more requirement if you want to succeed. Wait a minute, I'm getting ahead of myself here. Let me explain to you why I am bit piss off with them.

They have such a low consideration for others. If they see any other children having some kind of toys or something they would actually beg and throw tantrum until their parents get them one. I still remember when I was a child sometimes I watch the other boys toys with envy. But I keep my silence because I have my other siblings to  think about being the eldest. Even if my parents ask me if I want some kind of toys or something I would just told them to give it to my younger siblings. Being the eldest and rise in a large number of siblings force me to mature fast.It also make me a bit strict and serious.

Enough about me, lets continue with my story about my cousin shall we.They also like to play with other people stuff as if it is their own. Several keys from my laptop keyboard is broken due to them. I still remember a few days ago I bought some bread because I'm not feeling that well and basically have no appetite for rice. What happen is they ask their mother to make me give them some! That is insulting! If they even ask I would gladly shared with them for god sake! To my great dismay they actually finish off all the bread leaving me all hungry for that night! If they were my own siblings I give them a smack right in their freaking face!

Don't get me wrong.. I love kids. As matter a fact I feel calm if I am around kids and I don't have much problem getting kids to like me. But spoil kids is off the case. The only reason I keep silence about them is because the gratitude that I have towards my aunty. She can be say as the most loaded among my father siblings. She has help me a lot in term of my financial need when I am continuing my studies.

Dear lord show them the way...

Monday, April 25, 2011

My first attempt of writting a short story

The first short story that I ever wrote. Check it up and leave a comment if you got one ok guys..

The Promise
Written by : Ben Frankenstein@Muhammad Syafiq

The waiter place the glass of coke on my table. I just watch the bubbles rise and pop in the glass. It hit me that human life sometimes can be compare like the bubbles in the glass. Short and temporary. More reason the live our live to the fullest I guess... Something that I just cannot seem to do during the moment.

I watch the other customers at the fast food restaurant. Most of them is enjoying their meal with their family or friends. Being the only customer that is sitting all by himself in the restaurant make me feel a bit out of place. Not to mention I'm the only one that is not eating anything there. The truth behind that is I'm actually just waiting for someone there. I just order the coke to pass the time. I still remember the frown on the waiter face when I placed my order. Whatever. I am still a customers and I reserve the right to be treat like any other customers. It is not like they did not gain any profit from it. Another reason for that is I'm practically broke at the moment. Getting fired a few weeks before is starting to hit me. Hard.

I shift my foot relentlessly. She is late. As always. I can actually count the number of time she had been punctual in during our entire dating history. I gaze at the large crowd that is walking pass the restaurant. Searching for her familiar face in the crowd that massive prove to be near impossible. Sighing in the process I revert my attention to the glass of coke again. "Where could she possibly be?" that thought cross my mind. The waiters are beginning to give me such an odd stare. "Bloody hell" I curse in my mind. I cannot take this any longer. I am just about to leave the god forsaken restaurant when she finally arrive. I was expecting some sort of apology or something but she say is "leaving already?". Typical. Her usual I could not care less attitude. The strange thing is I never could let out my anger to her. Something about her face. One look at it and I will forget all the thing that I am about to say. I know it sound a bit cliche. That kind of statement is possibly already used by hundred of guys out there but hey.. here I am. A living proof that this kind of guy exist. "Yeah.." I reply, "Lets just find some other place to talk okay, the waiters are giving me the creeps" I reply once more. "Okay then, whatever suits you" she said.

We walk slowly past the park. Both of us are not talking to each other. Another typical date between us really. We are just not that talkative like any other couple. I watch the other couples at the park. A lot of them seem to be happy with each other presents. Chit chating, having picnic and a lot of other activities that you can imagine couples would do. "Hey... My mom ask about us again last night" the sound her voice breaking the silence. "Really? what did she ask?" I reply. "The usual, when we will hold the wedding" She answer. Crap. I know that good for nothing future mother in law of mine will bring up this bloody topic again. As if I do not have enough on my plate right now. "What did you say to her then?" I ask her. "I just say that we are not really that ready, you know, that we still need to get our other priorities straight first" she reply.

To be frank that is a good answer really.. But I know that is not really what she have in her mind. All I can do is just sigh. I have been avoiding our weeding as our topic of conversation ever since my pathetic excuse for a boss fired me. I secretly cross my finger and hope that that stupid law firm will be bankrupt one day. I look at her face. That serene and innocent face. I know that she does not really wish for a grand wedding or some sort. All she want is to be my wife. I know that her love towards me is pure and honest. But.. huh.. there are always a but. I am the one that want a grand wedding for both us. That is the least that I can do to ever repay her love towards me."Listen, give me some more time time okay, I promise okay.. I will try to sort this mess up, I find another job, one with an even better pay" that is all that I can say to reassure her even though deep inside I am already crying from guilt. The guilt of my inability  to be a better man for her. " For god sake you listen to me!" she reply. "I do not know why you keep on insisting to hold a grand wedding for both of us! You know all I want is to be with you, I do not care if our wedding is nothing more than a simple one. All I want to be legally yours so I can proudly claim that I am your wife. You should have known me better. I could not have care less for all to fancy wedding dinner for 1000 people or what so ever. A small weeding attend by our friends and family is more than enough for me... don't you get it? All I want is to be with you.." she retort. I try to look at her face. There is tears in her eyes now. Again I am lost for words. What did I ever do to deserve a girl like her. "At least.. At least.. At least let me get you a decent ring" I let those word out with much struggle. She look at me. I can tell that she is going to object so I quickly continue my sentence " Please.. at least let me do this for you, please.. just this once..". She continue to look at me and at last.. with much hardship.. she nod her head..

To be continue..
When I am in the mood to write some cheesy love story again :P

Writting a long post is starting to become a habit of mine -_-"

The truth is I don't really update my blog much in term of content. In fact I change and edit my blog template WAY much more often than that! Hmm.. Actually it is a good thing that that I only regularly update my blog because when I do the post would usually be really looooooooooooooong. Anyway I am writing on a new project right now. I think I finish it in a few more days. I have to juggle between my work so the time for writing is actually pretty scarce this days. By the way, how do you like the new Facebook comment and like button on my blog? I managed to put it there with the help my dude Saiful Hakim :) It actually quite easy to do. Maybe I blog a tutorial on how to do it in the future. Most of the tutorial that I found on the internet is pretty outdated. That is for now I guess. Wait for my upcoming work yaw~

Playlist that I listen to while writing:
Coldrain -  Hallow
Coldrain - Rescue Me
Coldrain - To Be Alive

This band is rather good actually. To me they sound like the heavier version of Breaking Benjamin. Search them up if you got the chance. Here is their pic that I found on the net.

I forgot to mention that this band is from Japan. Their vocalist is a mix of Japan and America I think. Explain why he didn't look that Asian.

Here I include the music video for their song rescue me

Saturday, April 16, 2011

This Hostile Feeling...

Feeling hostile all of the sudden. Maybe I'm just tired or something. Better get some shut eye before I snap at anybody for no apparent reason. If I already do please forgive me. Just ignore me and contact me back tomorrow is you want to. Reason for the stress? Sore body mate. My work is harsh on the body. It is not one of those survivor camp and what so ever kind of tiredness. This is real life and real hard work. I should have known better then to let the work stress get the best of me. The truth is it is better if I just ignore the feeling. I among all people should know better how stress could effect our judgement and the people around us. I have seen and I have know... Again If I hurt anybody feeling forgive me.. Being mature all the time isn't easy, you should know this too.

Monday, April 11, 2011

6 Months worth of relationship and 25 + 1 songs

It's over.. all this while I'm just delaying the inevitable I guess. Doesn't matter what I feel anymore as long as she is happy, with or without me. Oh well, jabbing about this all the time won't help much in term of letting go (I have been listening to the Mayday Parade band quite a lot this days, they write sick songs about love, relationship and letting go! It help to ease the pain a little bit... You should search them up if you got the chance) We have some good memories during this half a year worth of relationship (not to mention some bad one too) I have my own way of capturing those kind of memories. I do it by writing songs about it. Yeah.. I know some people prefer capturing pictures. But to me songs capture those memories in their own special ways.I feel like it is more meaningful. Pictures help us to remember faces but songs the help us to remember the feeling of the moment that we capture in it.

So I search for my old notebook that I usually wrote those songs in and I discover that I already written 25 songs about her alone! WTH! well make that 25 + 1 cause I just finish writing another one. Perhaps this is the last song about her. Damn.. 26 songs huh.. That is more than enough to record 2 albums! Haha.. I don't really like all the song though. Some of them is just not that well written. Alah.. biasa la writer block skali skala kan. Tell you what, why don't I put 7 songs that I like the most and I give a brief explanation about that song. I know! Why don't I make an album instead and compile those songs track by track! Haha.. well not really a real album, but perhaps a lyric album :) well.. here goes nothing.

Album Cover
Explanation : Nama pun album mesti ade cover kan XD. Haha.. This isn't even fit to be an album cover really. I'm not really that good in this graphic design stuff. I just grab the best picture that I have and apply all sort of effects that I can. But it send the message I think. I used the color grey because it express the sadness in most of the songs. But I also use a bit color to show that the hope is still there. The cover kind of fit the theme letting go that I try to express in most of the songs.  

Album Name : They call this tragedy.. I call this letting go
Explanation : I like this album tittle, it kind of explain everything about all the songs

Lyric by : Muhammad Syafiq
Explanation : Credit to the writer of course XD

Track 1: From a distance

Hey.. I'm watching you..
You seem like a light year away..
Hey.. This feeling inside..
Is choking every breath of air inside of me..

Hey girl do you know..
This eyes been glued onto you
As this heart began to beat for you
I couldn't care less what they say cause you beautiful to me..

Chorus:I'm watching you from a distance..
             As though as I'm watching the angel herself..
             I'm been restraint with much resistance..
             To stop this feeling from ever pouring out..

Hey.. It all in vain..
Because i know i have to tell you somehow..
Hey.. I will wait..
Even if it cost me a thousand years for you to notice me..

Repeat chorus X2

From a distance I'm watching you...
From a distance I'm wishing for you..
From a distance.. from a distance..

Story Behind The Song : Hmmm.. time mula-mula jatuh hati dulu. This is a slow song actually. Well not really that slow. It have some part that is a bit fast. I don't really have much courage to approach her back then. She is quite an intimidating girl to be approach with actually. Some of the guys even advise me to forget it all together. They say this kind of girl meant nothing but troubles. Well I don't really see all of that that they say in her actually. I just think she is one the most beautiful girl I ever seen.. well I still do think she is beautiful actually.That will never change perhaps.

Track 2 : Car Crash Heart

And I slowly shift the gear
In this crazy race towards you
It took me a car crash to woke me up
There no time to spare 
It's either now or forever shut my mouth

Chorus : Out of my dream you all I see
               In this recipe of heartbeat and disaster (heartbeat and disaster)
               Close lips I never was the kind to speak out this loud
               You obviously my recipe for heartbeat and disaster ( heartbeat and disaster)

Ditch the car I hit the street
With this bear foot I'll catch you
For every sweat that I that spill
For me to make you mine
In this long lasting memories...

Chorus X1

Will I ever make this right..
I'm afraid to be broke by the bitterness of loneliness..
will you say that you love me..

Chorus X2

Story Behind The Song : A rather upbeat song. Got a little bit of powerpop and pop punk influence here. Well you can't expect me write all of my love song slow. Who makes the rule that a love song got to be all sad and slow anyway. They can be a happy and exciting song to :) Confession time. A rather exciting time really. I was heck nervous at time. Don't know what I do if she says no. I'm a bit worry that I confess a bit late or I screw up really bad ( hence the story about a car crash and a guy rushing to find his love one) Er.. A bit of metaphor element there. All literature :P 

Track 3 : An ocean between us

I look back at the time you don't know I exist
I was staring at you with a fast beat in my heart
And now I can finally call you mine
Yet I had to let you go..
With the promise I'll see you again..

Chorus: Baby, Do you know how I feel?
             You give me the words of love
             I just can't tell you how proud I'm that you are mine
             But baby that ain't enough..
             I still deeply missing you..
             Still madly loving you..

Baby tell me if this worth it
Do you know that you everything to me
Cause I never been so scare
I finding it hard to breath
Cause my heart is somewhere else
I give it to you and there's an ocean between us..

Chorus X1

Will you ever found out..
About how I feel..
Baby this is suppose the easy part..
But missing you broke me apart..

Story Behind The Song : Hmm.. the time when god know how much I miss her.. This was during the semester holiday if I was not mistaken. Malas nak explain lebih pasal lagu ni. The lyric ought to be detail enough. Basically a typical song about a guy missing his girl.

Track 4:The Love Drama
Together.. With you..
We have written a script of our untold stories
With the unthinkable plot that you have twisted around me
You nearly made a mess of my head with it

The up and down..
All the hardship of falling in love...

Chorus : This hurts me more than I ever expected
               For the first time I feel like I'm crushing down in your arm
               But I keep holding on to you            
               Because I know one of us got to survive
               So we can continue to save each other

Your acting blow me away
You are acting on your guts alone
Base on strict and sick rule you created yourself
But all I did was living the moment
when I can still see you in front of my eyes

Chorus X1

Now we both trying to hold on
We both trying to forget what happen in between
Promise me we can still carry on

Chorus X2

From this strength comes my love towards you..

Explanation : The holding on part. Well in every relationship there will be obstacles of course. Being able to tackle it head on prove your love to each other. Mine is no exception. Holding on is perhaps one of the hardest thing to do. Tremendous amount of trust and love is require to achieve it. Not to mention the amount of consideration for each other that you need.

Track 5 : Yesterday Headline

Chorus : Do we only live to hurt each other
              The pain we cause only god know why
              Do I still have to justify this
              This comes from the feeling we hide inside..
              You do what you feel is right
              As I watch you turn away
              As I watch you changing
              Into someone I can't no longer face

You take us down..
together with your uncertainty
What use to be a small talk among us
Now turn into angry yell
Enough to destroy this sorry heart of mine
And now you watch me fade..
Sinking into your uncertainty..

Chorus X1

And now you watch me fade
Sinking into your uncertainty
And they call this a tragedy
But what I say this is letting go
As I become your yesterday headline...

Chorus X1

Explanation : I love the this song! If I really ever record this album ( berangan je lebih haha, tapi saper tau kalau aku betul2 record nanti :P hehe..) I will make this my first single. For this song I immediately start with a chorus. Well this song is mainly about the argument that I ever face in my relationship. It also tell the story how a relationship can be destroy with doubt and uncertainty inside us. It also tell the story of hiding our real feeling from our love ones which cause confusion in their mind.

Track 6 :My breakdown

2AM I call you to spit the fire out
There no turning back you will listen to me now
Of something that seem to be holding us behind
Will you ever realize that I'm out of breath

Can you hear this heart of mine scream
Tired of all the torment it been through
This is me breaking down
Have we been wrong right from start
For you and your shadow from the past
This is me breaking down

So now you seem like half the world away
Even though you are standing right in front of me
All this distance you put between both us
Tell me is there no turning for us now

Chorus X 1

Now I can barely holding on..
Tell me am I nothing but mistake to you..
For my hand are tired and willing to let go..
Tell me is that what you want all along..

Chorus X1

Story Behind The Song : The breaking down part. Well most of us face it in our relationship. The time will come when we are tired of pretending and sacrificing for someone that doesn't seem to care for us at all. There comes the time when we need to confront and make our stand once and for all.

Track 7 : Snapshot Of My Live

I seem to be holding back in life
yet there is something seem to be calling me
I can see the footsteps you left behind
You have find your reason to leave

Chorus : And here I'm on my own, on my own..
              I can see the sun burning high above me
              Representing the same burning heart in me
              And I'm on my own, on my own..
              One step at moment in a good time
              This is the snapshot of my live

I've been following my prescribe of right and wrong
and that is not seem to be getting me nowhere
So I take my time
To look behind the wall for the first time

Chorus X1

And somehow I have survive
Being save from myself
And this is the soundtrack of the story of my life
So hear me now..

Chorus X2

Whoa X2

I've been save from myself..

Story Behind The Song : We end it on the lighter side. The letting go part. Don't let the end of a relationship get the best of yourself. Trust me, you will find someone that truly care and appreciate you. Save your heart for someone worth dying for. Learn to let go.. Let your wound heal.. Whoever you are, where ever you are.. Know that sometime in the future there is someone waiting for you. Put a smile on that gloomy face yaw~ :)


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